Language learners know the feeling: you’ve studied your Dutch, you know the words… and yet, when it’s your turn to speak, nothing comes out. Or worse, you open your mouth and the sentence collapses halfway. Suddenly you feel stressed, embarrassed, maybe even a little panicky.
Here’s the thing: it’s not just about vocabulary or grammar. Speaking is live, it’s fast, it involves other people, and it can feel vulnerable. Your brain is juggling not only words but also emotions.
As an experienced Dutch teacher, I’ve seen speaking anxiety happen again and again. That’s why I’ve partnered with Jeannette Bolck from Counseling Amsterdam to dive deeper into why this happens, but also how to overcome this!
A Dutch teacher’s perspective (Anouk van der Linde, Active Dutch)
What Makes Someone a “Good” Speaker?
A lot of language learners think a “good speaker” means “a perfect speaker.” But that’s not true. Being good at speaking Dutch doesn’t mean flawless grammar, it means getting your message across clearly.
Think of it like this: good speaking has a few ingredients—fluency, correct pronunciation, accuracy, and the appropriate words and register for the situation. But above all, it’s about communication, not correctness. Even native speakers make mistakes, restart mid-sentence, or use “uhm” all the time!
What’s Going On in Your Brain When You Speak?
Speaking is actually three steps rolled into one:
- Planning your message
- Finding the words and grammar to formulate your sentence
- Articulating your message clearly with the right pronunciation and intonation
In your mother tongue, all of this happens automatically. But in Dutch (or any additional language), the process is slower and less automatic, so your brain has to work much harder.
Why Speaking Feels So Much Harder Than Reading or Writing
Speaking is real-time. No pause button. No delete key. You’re expected to respond instantly, and that pressure can cause anxiety or even brain freeze.
Many Dutch learners tell me: “I know the words, but when I need them, I cannot pull them out of my brain.” That’s completely normal! And you cannot focus on accuracy because your brain is prioritizing getting the message out in a real-time conversation, leaving less mental capacity to monitor grammar, pronunciation, and more.
On top of that, your first language is always lurking in the background, trying to “help.” That’s why word order, pronunciation, or word choices can sometimes sound a bit off in the moment.
STRATEGY TO TRY: What to Do When You’re Stuck
Everyone gets stuck sometimes, even native speakers. The good news is, you don’t have to stop talking when the right word disappears from your brain. Here are some tricks that keep the conversation flowing:
- Describe it: Can’t remember “whale”? Just say “een hele grote vis” (a really big fish).
- Use gestures or mime:Pointing, acting, or showing with your hands works wonders.
- Go for general words: Words like ding (thing) or simple verbs like doen and maken can save you.
- Buy time with Dutch filler words: Ehm, zeg maar, je weet wel (“uhm, sort of, you know”) give your brain a second to catch up.
- Ask for clarification: Try “Kun je dat herhalen?” (Can you repeat that?) or “Wat bedoel je?” (What do you mean?).
These strategies aren’t cheating – they’re real communication skills! They show you’re engaged, keep the interaction alive, and often lead to fun moments of creativity.
STRATEGY TO TRY: Speaking Dutch with More Confidence
Here are a few confidence strategies my students find helpful:
- Steal phrases: Listen to how people talk at the market, then try those exact phrases yourself.
- Echo the question: Build your answer from the question you’re asked. For example: “Wanneer ben je naar Nederland gekomen? (When did you come to the Netherlands?) → “Ik ben vorig jaar naar Nederland gekomen.” (I came to the Netherlands last year.)
- Prepare conversation starters: Have a few ready-to-go sentences you can pull out anytime.
- Embrace mistakes: Mistakes are not failures, they’re proof you’re practicing.
- Ask for help: Try “Hoe zeg je dat in het Nederlands?” (How do you say that in Dutch?) or “Hoe noem je dit?” (What do you call this?).
Always remember that mistakes are not failures, they are progress! If you wait until you’re “ready” and perfect, you’ll never actually practice. Mistakes are not a sign that you’re failing, they’re a sign that you’re learning. Every conversation, every attempt, every slip-up is a step toward becoming more fluent.
A psychologist’s perspective (Jeannette Bolck, Counseling Amsterdam)
Why Does Speaking Trigger Anxiety?
In my work as a psychologist, I often see how speaking a second language brings up much more than just the challenge of finding the right words. It can feel like a personal risk. When you’re trying to speak Dutch, you might feel as if your intelligence, competence, or even your identity is on display, and vulnerable. That’s when the stress kicks in. From what I see in my practice, this stress often shows up as:
- Fear of judgment: Many people tell me they feel “stupid” or embarrassed when they can’t express themselves the way they want to.
- Perfectionism: The wish to speak flawlessly often backfires. It blocks fluency because it creates tension and self-doubt.
- Overthinking and self-monitoring: When you focus too much on getting every word right, your anxiety goes up — and your confidence goes down.
What happens in your brain at that moment? The stress response affects your prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain that helps with planning, focus, flexible thinking, and problem-solving. In short: exactly the part you need when trying to speak, especially in another language! Stress makes it harder to access the vocabulary, grammar, and clarity you’re looking for.
STRATEGY TO TRY: Building Awareness and Self-Compassion
When I support people with these challenges, I look at both the psychology of learning and practical ways to reduce stress. I often compare speaking a new language to preparing for an important meeting or sports event. You wouldn’t just “wing it” – you’d plan, practice, and support yourself so you can perform under pressure.
In your mother tongue, all of this happens automatically. But in Dutch (or any additional language), the process is slower and less automatic, so your brain has to work much harder.
A few things I encourage:
- Know your triggers: Think about when and where the pressure feels highest — is it in groups, formal settings, or certain types of conversations? This awareness helps you prepare.
- Create low-stress practice moments: Start small and where you feel safe, even if it’s just ordering coffee or chatting with someone patient.
- Be kind and realistic with yourself: You don’t need to be perfect to communicate well. Every attempt is progress.
STRATEGY TO TRY: Relaxing The Mind
Relaxation matters. I often practice breathing and grounding techniques with clients to help them reduce anxiety and reconnect with the part of their brain that helps them think clearly. This isn’t just “take a deep breath”, it’s about creating a real shift in your body and mind.
One example I often use is 4-7-8 breathing for two minutes. You inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7, and exhale slowly for 8. Or simply stand on one leg, focus on your balance, and breathe steadily. If you’d like to try, I’ve shared some free audio practices.
Next Steps
If Dutch speaking anxiety resonates with you, Jeannette and I are preparing a workshop in late 2025 where we’ll combine Dutch language practice with psychological tools for handling stress and building confidence. Keep an eye out – we’d love to welcome you!
You can learn more about my Dutch course options, or contact me for more information. I would also encourage you to sign up to receive my newsletter in which I share updates and exclusive Dutch learning content for expats! If you want to get to know me and my teaching style first, you are welcome to check out student testimonials or book a free intake session!
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